The World Race

So it's all set, I'm going.  I've paid the deposit, started writing my letters and now the route has been posted!  It's all very very real right now!  Part of the trip is to blog so people can be connected to what's going on so I imagine even though I was so excited to get back into this I now have a new place to write so check out my official blog:
http://melissalowell.theworldrace.org

There's also a link on the left if you so feel inclined to support me financially in this life changing adventure!  Also here's the link for the route:
http://www.theworldrace.org/?tab=routes&subtab=july-2011

I am really going to do this...

Thursdays are rough for me.  I spend most of my day in the office which if you know me I don't like being stuck at my desk.  I get bored.  I need lots of human interaction.  Also tonight is the first of Munchies with Melissa so at 9pm I was having one of my floors over for some community building.  I needed a nap.  Desperately.  So I laid down and fell asleep for about 20 minutes and then woke up completely anxious.  I wasn't late so I didn't know what was going on.  I decided to get up, check some email and run some errands.  When I opened my email I saw one from WR.  I wasn't expecting to hear from them for another week.  And yet, here it was.  I was accepted.

I realized a small part of me was hoping I wouldn't get accepted so it would be them making the final decision for me.  I immediately burst into tears.  This is it.  This is real.  Now or never.  Am I doing this?  And in my heart I knew, I am really going to do this.  I am going to completely and utterly walk away from my life for 11 months.  I'm going to spread the love of Christ across the world, raise an obscene amount of money to do said sharing, spend some nights sleeping in a tent and (most troubling of all), probably have to dig a hole to poop at times.  I am not this girl.  Am I?

As I've been telling friends I'm going to do this, the thing that amazes me again and again  is how not surprised they are.  I thought people would think I'm crazy, I mean I mention the money and pooping in a hole and yet they still think it's perfectly natural for me to do this.  Two quotes from friends, "I think sometimes people forget how awesome they are.  I think Melissa's forgotten." and "I'm sure your mom has been preparing for this for the past 9 years.  When you came back from the Balkans it was your whole life, the greatest thing you've ever done.  She knew you were going to have to travel again, she's just glad it took you 9 years to leave again."  And I started to remember the year I came back from Youth in Mission.  It was all I thought about all the time.  Going back, being a missionary, living a simpler, more Christ centered life.  And then I graduated and Sallie Mae started knocking on my door.  I got a job, an apartment and a normal average life.  And I forgot myself.  I won't go so far as to say I am/was awesome but I was set on changing the world and telling everyone about Christ.  And I've forgotten that.  I don't recognize that girl, but that's about to change.

My last "test" was telling my mom.  If she said I was crazy and wouldn't support me then I would seriously consider not going but nope, she's fine with it.  I really feel like mom secretly knew and did all this research.  She was calm, cool, collected and totally supportive.  Not what I was expecting.  So now I make plans.  Now I practice hiking, researching the best way to dig a hole in the ground to poop in, buy a tent and a sleeping bag and try to spiritually, mentally, physically and emotional prepare for something I'm pretty sure is impossible to be prepared for.  Prayers are always appreciated....

Eeekkkkkk!!!!

Interview today at 2pm.  Fingers crossed....

I Wanna be in the Here and Now

I met a girl on Saturday who leaves for The World Race (from here on out WR...it's long to type) on Oct. 1st.  October 1st.  She seems so excited and so ready and I really hope that if this is what I do I will feel in her same shoes.  I'm not sure I will.  I was able to spend about half an hour talking with her at this fundraiser dinner her friends were hosting for her (one of her friends is the friend who told me about this so if it weren't for Haile doing this amazing thing and my friend thinking I could hack it, I would still be wandering aimlessly wondering what to do).  She is so focused on the here and now.  She is ready to be in a new country, serving the Lord in a new way.  I get the feeling she always lives in the here and now.  I get stuck in the future.  More specifically I get stuck worrying about the future.

People keep saying how proud and amazed they are that I'm even considering this.  It's weird because I know many of my friends could do this, they just don't see it in themselves.  It's not the doing that scares me or seems like something to be proud of since we can all do it.  The scary part is the coming home.  I keep thinking (and worrying) about what will I do with my life when I get back.  It will be like a year just disappeared.  I will be jobless, homeless and sallie mae is always going to be there knocking on my door.  I'll probably move back home with my mom--at the age of 31 and get some random job meant for a 20 year old until I can figure some things out, all while trying to readjust to American culture after being gone for 11 months.  Seriously?  Seriously?  How do you even come back to that?  I cried in a supermarket after I was gone for 6 weeks to Eastern Europe.  I'm going to be a hot-mess.  An unemployed hot mess who still lives with her parents.  Can't wait to share that tidbit at my class reunion. Ok that last part was totally sarcastic and off the cuff because I do have to keep in mind that I will have the opportunity to TRAVEL THE WORLD!!!!  So I wasn't a hot mess my whole life.

I wonder how I can get out from the future and live in the here and now.  How can I focus of what an awesome experience this is going to be??  Maybe when/if I get accepted that will make it real.  My interview is tomorrow at 2pm and they say 7-10 days after that I'll find out.  Fingers crossed my friends, fingers crossed.

I could really be doing this...

So I hate waiting. Absolutely hate waiting. It's a terrible thing, I know but it doesn't change the fact that I hate waiting. When I order a book from Amazon I'll track the package every day. I'm the kid who will walk from grocery line to grocery line looking for the shortest one (I realize the time I spend looking is the same amount I would spend waiting, it's crazy I know). But I have finally found a time when I wouldn't mind a longer wait.

Yesterday I called World Race because I had questions that were nagging me--mostly about waiting. So here's a bit of our conversation:

Me: so the deadline isn't until May. Does this mean I won't find out if I've been accepted till then?

Rusty: Nope, we let people know within 7-10days of finishing the application.

Me: Oh great (tightness is chest begins), so um, I was just wondering what's your application to acceptance rate?

Rusty: Oh about 90%.

Me: Great! (breath not coming as easily) Small talk, questions, small talk...

I hang up the phone, look at my friend Jenn and say, I might really be doing this. And then the pressure really starts to build. I could really be doing this. My interview (the last piece of the application) is a week from today. So realistically I will know 2 weeks from today if I am traveling the world for 11 months. And it seems as though an act of God is really what's going to keep me out. I could really be doing this.

I think I need a paper bag...

Racing to my Future?

Ok so I've been holding out a bit. My last post was all about having no idea what I want to do with my life and that's totally a true. I'm almost 30 and have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. I've always been jealous of people who just know--but that's not the point of this. The point of this post is I think I know what I want to do at least for a year once I leave the Naz and it is something I wasn't expecting nor fully convinced is what I'll do but I'm going out on a limb. I'm taking a chance and holding my breath.

I've known for a while now that I would be leaving the Naz within the next year or two but only the past few months have I realized that it would be this year. That May would be my last month in the place I have called home for what will have been 12 years. At that point there was a big, open void of what my future could be like. I hate choices. I hate trying to decide what movie to see or what where to go for dinner so you can imagine the stress of now having to decide what career and location I would pick next. I could go anywhere. I could be anything.

Fast forward to a ridiculously hot summer day and my friend Jenn is over and we are chatting about life. Jenn had just left the Naz a few months ago, had gotten married, moved to a new town and started a new job. I figured she would understand the anxiety I felt. And all of a sudden she mentions this crazy opportunity her friend from church is doing called The World Race. It's an organization that sends teams out around the world. They spend one month in a different country for 11 months. They have to raise a crazy amount of money to go on this trip and they get to do different misson work in each country. Some examples they give: manual labor, friendship evangelism, working with orphans, AIDS/HIV. I instantly dismissed it. It sounded great and wonderful but I'm almost 30 for goodness sake. I have to get a career and figure out my life (at least that is what my mom says every time we talk).

But know you when someone says don't think about an elephant all you can think about is that darn elephant? The World Race became my elephant. I would find myself going to the website and reading every word on every page. I started reading the blogs of people who were currently on trips and I would find myself feeling so connected to these people I had never met. I would cry as they told their sorrows and laugh as they shared their happy--sometimes embarrassing moments and I started to think, can I do this?

Can I do this means can I completely walk away from my friends and family for almost a year? I'm pretty sure there's not the best communication in many of these countries we're going to. Can I live out of a hiker's pack for 11 months. For those who know me you know I'm a pack rat. What mementos would I have to leave home to be able to fit enough toothpaste to last 11 months? Can I physically do this? Can I travel around the world with all my possessions on my back? Can I convince my mom this is a good idea and I'm not just trying to avoid the "real world" for a little bit longer? Can I rely on God and my team to keep me safe and sane through what I'm sure is going to be incredibly stressful and sometimes dangerous places and scenarios? And of course, can I raise enough money to go on the trip, take care of travel expenses to training and whatnot, get insurance and be able to pay student loans while I'm away. The answer is clearly no. I can't do this. But God can. So with Him I'm sure that "we" can do this.

Now the tricky part. Is this what God wants? No idea. There's been no burning bush or quiet voice. Even though the hurricane came through there has been no writing in the sky through lightning or a message written on the ground. So there isn't a yes and there isn't a no. But there has been a reminder over and over to trust and obey. To put Him first and believe things work out in the end. So now I've applied and started to tell people. I haven't told my mom yet. I don't want to freak her out if it's not going to happen. I have a phone interview in 2 weeks. We'll see what happens. If I'm accepted well that's step one. If not, back to the drawing board but at least I'll have the joy of knowing that when presented with the opportunity to put everything on the line for God I was willing to do it. There was a time not too long ago when I don't think I would have made the same choice.

If you're interested in learning more here's the website for The World Race. Read at own risk:

http://www.theworldrace.org/