I've known for a while now that I would be leaving the Naz within the next year or two but only the past few months have I realized that it would be this year. That May would be my last month in the place I have called home for what will have been 12 years. At that point there was a big, open void of what my future could be like. I hate choices. I hate trying to decide what movie to see or what where to go for dinner so you can imagine the stress of now having to decide what career and location I would pick next. I could go anywhere. I could be anything.
Fast forward to a ridiculously hot summer day and my friend Jenn is over and we are chatting about life. Jenn had just left the Naz a few months ago, had gotten married, moved to a new town and started a new job. I figured she would understand the anxiety I felt. And all of a sudden she mentions this crazy opportunity her friend from church is doing called The World Race. It's an organization that sends teams out around the world. They spend one month in a different country for 11 months. They have to raise a crazy amount of money to go on this trip and they get to do different misson work in each country. Some examples they give: manual labor, friendship evangelism, working with orphans, AIDS/HIV. I instantly dismissed it. It sounded great and wonderful but I'm almost 30 for goodness sake. I have to get a career and figure out my life (at least that is what my mom says every time we talk).
But know you when someone says don't think about an elephant all you can think about is that darn elephant? The World Race became my elephant. I would find myself going to the website and reading every word on every page. I started reading the blogs of people who were currently on trips and I would find myself feeling so connected to these people I had never met. I would cry as they told their sorrows and laugh as they shared their happy--sometimes embarrassing moments and I started to think, can I do this?
Can I do this means can I completely walk away from my friends and family for almost a year? I'm pretty sure there's not the best communication in many of these countries we're going to. Can I live out of a hiker's pack for 11 months. For those who know me you know I'm a pack rat. What mementos would I have to leave home to be able to fit enough toothpaste to last 11 months? Can I physically do this? Can I travel around the world with all my possessions on my back? Can I convince my mom this is a good idea and I'm not just trying to avoid the "real world" for a little bit longer? Can I rely on God and my team to keep me safe and sane through what I'm sure is going to be incredibly stressful and sometimes dangerous places and scenarios? And of course, can I raise enough money to go on the trip, take care of travel expenses to training and whatnot, get insurance and be able to pay student loans while I'm away. The answer is clearly no. I can't do this. But God can. So with Him I'm sure that "we" can do this.
Now the tricky part. Is this what God wants? No idea. There's been no burning bush or quiet voice. Even though the hurricane came through there has been no writing in the sky through lightning or a message written on the ground. So there isn't a yes and there isn't a no. But there has been a reminder over and over to trust and obey. To put Him first and believe things work out in the end. So now I've applied and started to tell people. I haven't told my mom yet. I don't want to freak her out if it's not going to happen. I have a phone interview in 2 weeks. We'll see what happens. If I'm accepted well that's step one. If not, back to the drawing board but at least I'll have the joy of knowing that when presented with the opportunity to put everything on the line for God I was willing to do it. There was a time not too long ago when I don't think I would have made the same choice.
If you're interested in learning more here's the website for The World Race. Read at own risk:
http://www.theworldrace.org/
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